


Dark Melodies

by euphoricwinks



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: JINHWI AHHHH JINHWI, M/M, The Other Side, angst oops, blind Jinyoung, daehwi’s angelic voice, dark music room, jinhwi, love in the darkness, music speaks when words can’t, silent Daehwi, the truth beneath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 02:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14369259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoricwinks/pseuds/euphoricwinks
Summary: Bae Jinyoung fell in love with the world but now, he can’t see and marvel at it with his own eyes. However, he’s the only one who can hear the voice no one ever heard: Lee Daehwi’s voice.





	Dark Melodies

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to keep you waiting (if you did hehe), I was on a vacation but hey! Here’s Daehwi’s side of the story! *confettis* I hope you like it.

_There’s this one boy_   
_you can never stop thinking about._   
_Whenever you see his name,_   
_it trips you up._   
_You know he is a symbol_   
_of your weakness,_   
_your Kryptonite._   
_How he rushes in_   
_like wildfire and burns_   
_through everything_   
_you worked so hard to build_   
_since he last left you_   
_in ashes._   
_-Lang Leav_

 

_Daehwi crumpled the paper in his hands. He watched how each letters and notes got hidden by the folds, crunches and ridges the hands that created them, themselves, made; The hands that created them with every swish and stroke of the pen were also the hands that destroyed them. Daehwi thought that doing it would ease his grief and lighten the burden he is carrying but he felt more pain, more confusion and more weariness as he do it. The view before his eyes is starting to drill another hole on his already wounded heart and his eyes that used to shine so bright when he beam were now wet with tears._

_He stared at the empty room where he finished the rest of their story. He smiled bitterly upon realizing that finishing it would mean that it would be the last time he would breathe in the scent of the old books stacked in its dusty shelves, the last time his forehead would bear crystal-like beads of sweat because of the poor ventilation and the last time he would mourn for the same person._

_Once he leave the room, he would begin a new story. A new book untainted with tears in shades of blue. He would be a new Daehwi, a better Daehwi._

_He looked at the pen in his hand and reluctantly slid it into his backpack. He decided to keep it even though he felt like he betrayed himself by doing so. He hung the backpack on his back and wiped the tears pooling his eyes._

_Then, there was a loud bang. Bright lights seeped into the dark, gloomy room. As if on reflex, Daehwi looked at the door._

**_And there Bae Jinyoung stood._ **

 

  
Daehwi stood up without minding the judging looks on his new classmates’ faces. He knows that ever since he stepped on that school, which was like already two weeks ago, all eyes were on him. The reason why? Well, he don’t know and he don’t care. He’s tired of caring, tired of participating in life so he decided to make his world revolve on the orbit of his own solar system, a world where he can be happy even if it’s fake happiness.

He tried his best to walk with his chin up to show everyone that he is strong but he felt like floating and lifeless as he walked past the crowded and audacious hallway. He have a daily hour break before his last class and he was headed to the library to spend his precious one hour sulking about crazy novels and breaking his eardrums with smooth music. Novels, especially the tear-jerking and heart-fluttering ones were the only things that kept him alive and his heart beating, artificially.

“He’s still not talking?”  
“Not a word.”  
“When will he talk?”  
“My friend told me that his voice is angelic.”  
“I don’t care.”  
“He’s weird.”  
“What’s wrong with him?”

There they were again. The voices that made Daehwi felt worse, more wounded and more hateful, as if everything is wrong about him. Daehwi stopped himself from looking at them, from wondering how the owner of the voices look like and more than anything else, from hurting himself. The fact that the people whom Daehwi expected to comfort him when he went to that school were the ones who judged him felt like a punch in the face already, and he don’t want another because he’s afraid that maybe this time, he won’t be able to heal. _Well, after all, this is what I deserve. This is my punishment for what I’ve done. This is what I get from running away, from trying not to get hurt by seeing Jihoon and Guanlin together, from trying to spare myself from the excruciating pain. For being a coward._

Daehwi checked his bag to look for his notepad. That day, he decided to ditch the novels and start studying in advance. The truth is, his grades are dropping not because his cognitive skills got rusty but because he stopped participating in oral recitations. Daehwi is not his old self anymore, he’s locked up in the abyss of silence. Daehwi stopped talking... literally.

When Jihoon lashed out on Daehwi on that one fateful day and yelled at him that his explanation is not needed and that Jihoon don’t want to hear Daehwi’s voice ever again, Daehwi just lost his strength to talk. When Daehwi left his old school, he also left Jihoon, his old self and his voice behind.

Now, the only thing that keeps Daehwi’s grades hanging are his scores on written works. He always get perfect scores even on the hardest exams and his teachers tried to talk to him, that even though his written works are exemplary, his grades cannot skyrocket because his scores on his oral recitations still influence his overall grade. But despite his teachers’ encouragement and efforts to crack Daehwi’s shell and take him out of that dark abyss, Daehwi, himself, refuses to be free. He’s contented with what he have and more comfortable with hiding himself, hiding his voice and bottling everything up.

Daehwi continued walking and making rhythms with his feet as it hit the wooden floor. His eyes closed, his head starts bobbing and his fingers snapping. That’s it, his technique on how to get absorbed in his own world and stop caring. He opened his eyes and on the end of the hallway, in front of the library door, he saw a small crowd gathering and he immediately knew why.

Bae Jinyoung.

The girls were swarming around Bae Jinyoung again. He’s a famous kid not only because his voice can shake hearts and his visuals were unbelievably amazing, but because he is blind. At first look, no one would ever think that Jinyoung is blind because he mastered the act of being normal again. With a voice recorder in his pocket and walking stick in his hand, Jinyoung can roam around the school without the aid of anyone. That’s what made the girls fell for him. He is handsome, independent and strong enough to face his own weaknesses. He tried to recollect any memory of them interacting with each other but he can’t recall any because they never had one.

Daehwi could taste the annoyance in the tip of his tongue and it doesn’t taste pleasing. If Jinyoung is in the library, the girls will be in there, too, pressing their faces on him and admiring his adorable face while Jinyoung’s reading brails. Daehwi’s insides boiled at the thought of those girls taking advantage of Jinyoung’s weakness and he have no intention, not a bit, to witness it.

He tightened his grip on the notepad and spun around to head to the opposite direction while grunting with frustration.

 

 

Daehwi felt the warm wood with his hand as he opened the door of the dark room wider. He was supposed to go to the back of the gymnasium and bury himself in the bushes while studying but here he is. In fact, as Daehwi was striding towards the end of the hallway where the exit was and where there are no students loitering, a slightly opened black door caught his attention. Daehwi found it interesting because it was the only black door in that area, the rest were white. It looked as if it’s the only ebony amidst all those ivory.

Daehwi peeked inside the room but it was pitch black inside and the sight itself suffocated him. He turned around and was about to walk away but he stopped. There was something about that room, something he can’t explain, something he’s dying to know what. It’s as if the room is calling him and tempting him to go inside, like someone from inside it is singing to him and lulling him to enter and discover the wonders hidden by the blanket of darkness embracing it.

Daehwi wanted to walk away and forget that he encountered that room but he knows himself. He’s fully aware that once he leave, his mind would stay there. It would still be wondering what’s inside that room and he won’t be able to be at ease the whole day or probably the whole week because of it. With a deep breath and a sigh of defeat, Daehwi pinched himself as an advance punishment for his action. He seized the feeling that pinch gave him, he felt the slight sting that seeped through his skin. After that, he fearlessly entered the dark room.

His sight took a while before it adjusted in the dark. However, all that Daehwi saw are irregular shapes and he’s not sure whether they resemble anything familiar to him so, he tried to search for the switch of the light. Daehwi laughed at himself while searching for the switch because he looks like a lost kid trying to look for his lollipop for minutes already. Daehwi took a deep breath and fixed his top. This is it. He give up. Daehwi took a last glance and drank the view in front of him, the view that shall remain a memory and at the same time, a mystery to him.

The door suddenly burst open and a flash of bright light filled the room as a deep voice out of nowhere said, “Hello there, intruder,”

 

 

Daehwi, still shocked with what happened stared at the beaming owner of the voice. Daehwi, for the first time since he entered that school, marveled at his face for it was also the first time he got the opportunity to look straightly at it, to get drunk of it without any girl swarming, without even a pair of eyes judging. Daehwi wondered what the heck is wrong with him. Why does being face to face with that person made his heart scream in a dozen different languages? How can that person make him feel what only Jihoon made him feel? Why is his stomach fluttering with wild butterflies? What is so special about him? What’s with Bae Jinyoung?

Jinyoung broke Daehwi’s thought when he turned on the lights. Daehwi mentally faced-palm himself when he realized that the switch was just behind the door. However, his disappointment with himself got transformed to amusement. What lies before his eyes looks like a paradise to him. With the room illuminated like that, it looks so bright. Daehwi’s breathing got more labored because of the excitement that fills him on the inside. He can’t stop his lips from curving from ear to ear and his palms from getting sticky with sweat. Excitedly, Daehwi roam inside the room while admiring every masterpiece in front of him. He just walked slowly, as if he’s walking under the moonlight.

Though Daehwi wants to tell Jinyoung that he is facing the wrong direction, he didn’t because he was too overwhelmed with tons of happiness upon finally seeing these masterpieces after a couple of months.

“You can touch them if you want,” Jinyoung said while still standing beside the door.

Daehwi rejoiced upon hearing Jinyoung’s words. His heart is thumping so fast for he is washed with adrenaline; happy adrenaline. Daehwi can’t recall the last time he felt that excited and enthusiastic, he has been in a slump for too long that he already forgotten his happy memories. If he’s not mistaken, what he feels is bliss and it is also a _first_ after a very long time. He wants to touch everything, feel everything with his own hand, to feel it’s solidness under this skin and hug everything, even Bae Jinyoung. Daehwi mentally stabbed himself for the crazy thought.

Daehwi stared at Jinyoung as the latter one smiled while looking at the blank air. Daehwi felt pain as he look at him. Jinyoung doesn’t deserve to be blind, he is too precious to miss the beauty of the world. Daehwi gently touched his own eyes, feeling his lashes and the soft skin of his eyelids under his fingertips. Daehwi wished that he could make Jinyoung happy and heal him to save Jinyoung and spare him the misfortune and hardships but he can’t.

To distract himself, Daehwi focused on the musical instruments in front of him; the room is filled with different musical instruments that made Daehwi’s heartbeat race. He touched everything, from the hard woods of the guitars up to the cold brass of the drums. He felt it and let it’s existence sink to him. Touching it felt like he was charging, like the energy he thought he’ll never have again suddenly surged back at him. Finally, Daewhi stopped in the empty spot in the middle of the room. The room looks like a big puzzle itself and the middle is empty as if one of the puzzle pieces went missing.

“Hi? Are you still there? I’m sorry I can’t see you and I won’t be able to know if you’re there unless you talk,” Jinyoung’s voice reeks of confusion and wonder.

_Talk..._

Daehwi’s stomach churned. Talking is the vessel of connecting with the people around him and with the world, and since Daehwi decided to stop connecting to the world, he stopped talking. But having Jinyoung there, Daehwi felt like breaking his own principle and talk to him all day long.

“Hello?” Jinyoung asked again while making his way to the organ with the help of his stick.

By seeing Jinyoung have a hard time walking, Daehwi saw how fragile Jinyoung is and that made him feel like he should protect him. _But there are already lots of people around Jinyoung. Maybe, I should just let them be the one to protect him. I’m done with caring, done with sacrificing. This time, before I even start, I should stop and walk away. Just go..._

“I’m leaving,” Daehwi’s tone was so icy that it sent shivers to his own spine. Hearing his own voice, Daehwi got frozen for a bit, not able to move his fingers, not able to move his feet and not even able to blink. It has been a long time since he last talked that even he, himself, got shocked with how his voice sounded. Daehwi brought his right hand to his throat and gently rubbed it. It has been so long that he thought that he’ll forgot how to speak. But, speaking like that again resurrected the itch inside him, the itch to sing and write music, and Daehwi knew at that moment, he’s in a big trouble.

“Don’t go,” Jinyoung pleaded. Even though Jinyoung is looking at the wrong direction, Daehwi can still see his pleading eyes and pouting lips. Daehwi wanted to pinch his cheeks but he didn’t. He is still in the right mind and he won’t do that. Jinyoung sighed, “Okay, you can go. But before that, can you check if I did this correctly?”

Jinyoung lain his fingers on the keys of the organ and started to play it. The music he’s playing sounds familiar to Daehwi. He thinks that he heard it somewhere on the television. It sounds so good and enticing that he failed to realize that his feet were already making their way towards Jinyoung.

He stood in front of the organ, in front of Jinyoung who’s soulfully running his fingers on the black and white keys. If Daehwi was thinking straight, he would’ve stand further away from Jinyoung or probably sped off already but there he is, closing the distance between them, floating and getting more drunk with ever melody that escapes from the instrument. Jinyoung, closed his eyes and started to sing along with the music. Daehwi just watched how creases appear on Jinyoung’s forehead as he open and close his pinkish lips. Daehwi knows that ever since he talked to Jinyoung, he already failed and betrayed himself.

He knows the song, the lyrics kept on popping out of his mind and he can feel his lips shake. His lips itself, are thirsty to sing. He wants to sing, to sing with him, to hear their voices harmonize and be united as one.

Daehwi realized that the song Jinyoung is singing is “Always.” He heard it a multiple times already that he, himself, memorized the lyrics without looking it up on the internet. Daehwi sucked in air and opened his mouth preparing himself to sing. But then, Jinyoung stopped singing.

Daehwi choked on his own breath. He was about to sing along with Jinyoung when he abruptly stopped. He wheezed, feeling the lackness of air in his lungs. He coughed as he spoke, “Why did you stop?”

Jinyoung just stared in front of him with his face expressionless. A while later, he burst out laughing. Daehwi stood there amused and have no idea on what to do or what to react. He just watched Jinyoung laughed so hard that his face grew redder. The view made Daehwi breathless. It was utterly magnificent; seeing Jinyoung’s lips turned into a curve, his teeth showing off and shining, and small wrinkles appearing on his nose. Daehwi immediately took his phone out of his pocket and tried to capture Jinyoung’s laugh. He wanted to keep that moment for himself because it’s his first time seeing Jinyoung laugh like that. Well, Jinyoung is naturally friendly but he always put on an ”I don’t care face” so Daehwi felt really grateful for witnessing that moment and he don’t want to fail recording it.

Daehwi took photos as many as he can and as long a Jinyoung is laughing. “I thought you left me,” Jinyoung said in between laughs.

Daehwi can’t help but laugh too. It was his first laugh after a long time and he can’t believe that someone like Jinyoung would lighten up his mood that much. “Can you continue playing, Jinyoung?” Daehwi asked.

Jinyoung didn’t retort. Instead, he put his hands back to the piano keys and continued playing. This time, Daehwi started singing and Jinyoung seconded him. Daehwi’s voice was shaking at first, probably because of the long time of not singing or talking at least, but he still managed to adjust easily. Actually, he was waiting for Jinyoung’s reaction and luckily, the other boy didn’t disappoint. He saw how Jinyoung’s eyebrows shoot up and how his lips slightly parted and formed an “o” when he sang.

Daehwi sang with his heart while looking at Jinyoung whose eyes were closed. Daehwi took small steps toward the Jinyoung’s side, careful not to distract the latter one from his harmonious playing. Standing there, Daehwi felt safe. He can smell the scent of Jinyoungs perfume from where he stood. Daehwi sucked in a handful of breath, while inhaling the intoxicating chocolatey smell of Jinyoung. Daehwi wanted to join Jinyoung in playing the piano so he took a seat next to Jinyoung, in the same chair. Jinyoung must’ve heard the feeble squeak Daehwi made when he sat on the burgundy leather seat because he moved a little to give him more space. From that place, Daehwi gained more access to a magnificent view. The music the both of them created seemed like a background music for the scene. The moment felt perfect, Jinyoung playing the organ and Daehwi singing along with him as he studied Jinyoung’s face.

Jinyoung is so beautiful. With his nosebridge curved like a pro, his lips red and looking as if they were puckered and his eyelashes curly at the tips, Daehwi can’t help but admire him as if he is an expensive work of art on a luxurious exhibit.

It was then when Daehwi realized how small his face is. Daehwi pulled his hand from the keys and reached for Jinyoung’s face. Carefully, Daehwi opened his palm to see which one is bigger, his hand or Jinyoung’s face. However, halfway his plan, he aborted his mission. As his hand is getting closer to Jinyoung’s face, he felt the urge to touch Jinyoung’s lips instead and feel it’s warmth and softness on his bare fingertip.

Daehwi looked away, feeling the hotness on his cheeks. He sat more comfortably sending more squeaks in the room.

The song was near to it’s end and Jinyoung finally joined Daehwi in singing.

“I jarie, always~” (Right here, always~)

The both of them smiled as the harmonious music they made filled the once dark, empty and gloomy room.

 

  
The next morning, Daehwi woke up almost an hour earlier before his alarm rings. Daehwi was worried about himself because he is somewhat excited to go to school and for him, that is quite not right. The fact that he woke up with his lips stretched into a smile means that he is not feeling well. That is because he should not feel like that, he should be grumpy and unable to get himself out of bed just like how usually feel on mornings before going to school. But that day is exceptional, he believes that this day is going to be... different.

The water from the shower feels warm against Daehwi’s skin. He closed his eyes feeling the cascade ran through his body; to warm up his icy spiky edges and to calm the whirlpool in his catastrophic mind. Everything’s still blurry for him. He have no idea how that Bae Jinyoung guy made him experience a lot of firsts all over again; his first time talking, his first time smiling, his first time singing and probably, the first time he’ll ever open himself to the world AGAIN.

He held his bath soap and soaked it on the running water while watching the bubbles race down to the floor. Just like the bubbles his thoughts are running back to Jinyoung again and it scares him. He’s scared that Jinyoung might be too powerful that he can break down the walls he built on his own to protect himself from any kind of hurting. With that, he let his body crash with the water for the last time before he step out of the steam inside the bathroom and wrap himself with a cotton towel.

Today, he will try his best to be his normal self, to make his silence echo through his whole being again.

 

 

Daehwi decided to be the last one to leave their classroom. With a pen in his hand which he occasionally bites, he watched how his classmates left the room one by one; their departure leaves the room more silent and gloomy than it is. Daehwi finally stood up and clutched his bag when his last classmate left. He ran his eyes through the entirety of the room trying to find a dirty spot and clean it but no matter how hard his eyes wandered throughout the room, he can’t find any.

The truth is, Daehwi wants to be distracted, to get that dark room away from his mind. Being inside that room where music floats freely, with Bae Jinyoung beside him, changes him. It brings back the old, happy Daehwi and he’s still not ready for that kind of change; He wants to stay numb and locked inside his own labyrinth. He closed his eyes and shook his head in attempt to brush the thought off of his mind. However, no matter how hard he forbid himself to be in that room again, he still find himself striding in the path leading to that room; to Bae Jinyoung.

Daehwi with reluctance in his eyes stared at the close door. He is just standing there, not opening the door, not peeking inside, not flowing, just standing there, his stillness is like of a stone. Feeling the solidness under his feet, he closed his eyes trying to indulge the music seeping out of the closed door. Jinyoung is already inside the room making Daehwi’s desire to enter inside reach the ceiling.

Daehwi flinched at how the coldness of the doorknob stings against his palm. As if he’s breaking in to someone else’s abode, he opened it with excessive gentleness, careful not to distract the other boy. Whatever Jinyoung is playing now, Daehwi loves it and he don’t want Jinyoung to stop playing it. Daehwi stepped in, his every movement more quiet than his last but the darkness of the room burn his eyes.

 _Maybe, since opening the lights could do Jinyoung no help, he just left it turned off,_ Daehwi thought. Being inside that room with not a light inside startles Daehwi. He’s afraid that he might trip and destroy everything and stir up the equilibrium of the things inside.

Daehwi bit his lips to avoid any kind of noise from escaping his mouth. After that, he reached for the switch to illuminate the room and clear his own vision. However, even before he touched the switch, the flow of music Jinyoung is weaving abruptly stopped, leaving Daehwi dumbfounded.

Daehwi just eyed Jinyoung but the other boy just stared in the blank air with his lips pursed into a thin line. It made Daehwi wonder what’s going in his mind. But as if it’s a silence game, Jinyoung refused to speak, even to show the tiniest bit of impression. Daehwi felt like betraying himself again, he felt the urge to ask what’s wrong and why’d he stop. With clenched fists and voice trembling, he spoke, “I’m here. What’s wrong?”

As if on cue, the thin line on Jinyoung’s lips stretched into a sweet smile. “I know,” he said. He laid his hands on the piano again, playing a short yet powerful piece which left Daehwi mesmerized and paralyzed from where he is standing. Jinyoung stopped playing again and as if he can see everything through his disability and through the darkness, turned his head towards Daehwi. “But, can you leave the lights off?” He asked.

“W-why?”

“Because I want you to enter my world, Daehwi. I want you to see what I see and to feel what I feel, and I also want to feel, that you are not different from me. That we are alike, that we’re stepping in the same ground, breathing the same air, bathing in the same sun, that there’s no gap between us,” Jinyoung replied, bitterness is obvious in his tone.

Daehwi held his chest and listened to the wild thumping of his heart like it’s raining cats and dogs inside it. He mentally slapped himself for feeling the same, for wanting to be no different from Jinyoung; to be like him, to be with him.

Jinyoung started to play the piano again and Daehwi, despite the fact that he don’t know what that song is, started to hum. “Sit with me,” Jinyoung whispered under his breath.

Daehwi thought at first that it was just an illusion caused by the collision of one note to another but with his hands and arms flapping like a fish in the air to sense everything before him and with eyes tightly shut, he made his way to the seat in the organ. It was hard to make his way to Jinyoung, it was so dark that he even hit his knee with who knows what multiple times in the process.

The first thing Daehwi did as soon as his hip touches the soft foam in their seat is to massage his kneecaps which are still aching from what happened. However, his wincing stopped and all the stinging pain in his knees seem to fade away when Jinyoung let out a soft laugh followed by a sweet-sounding “Sorry.”

Jinyoung’s apology sounds so good to Daehwi’s ear that it kept ringing for a while after. He wants to replay it over and over again like an old love song that leaves him with a last-song syndrome. Daehwi failed to stop himself from laughing too and whispering, “It’s okay.”

After that, Jinyoung started to play the organ again and Daehwi joined him. For Daehwi, he and Jinyoung are like ebony and ivory, different in colors and sizes but when combined together, can create an addicting harmony.

Daehwi just spoiled himself with Jinyoung while letting his fingers be drunk with the touch of the keys under his skin. He closed his eyes not minding how his lashes touch a bit of his skin and opened his ears to get addicted with the melody in the darkness. He wants to pinch himself for not bringing a recorder. He wants to keep everything in his memory, to replay it over and over again when he’s feeling blue and when he wants to calm the storm inside him. Being there with Jinyoung, not saying a word, not looking at each other’s eyes and just breathing each other’s existence proved Daehwi that sometimes, music really speaks when words can’t.

Jinyoung took a deep breath, not of exhaustion and not of confusion, just a plain deep breath. “I know this is kind of ridiculous, but I have a secret to tell you...” his voice is oozing with reluctance that his tone turned obviously unstable.

Jinyoung is going to tell Daehwi a secret, something that no one else knows, something that Daehwi can keep for himself and something he can treasure. The thought made Daehwi’s heart race. Daehwi felt the sides of his lips shoot up into a smile with the fact that Jinyoung trust him enough to tell him a secret and that Jinyoung is opening the gates of intimacy between them.

“Hmm?” Daehwi said instead of replying with actual words. His fingers are still playing, creating harmonious sounds.

Jinyoung’s hand flew from the keys to his forehead before giving himself a facepalm. “Oh no? Are you smiling? I can hear that you’re smiling! This is hard!”

The smile from Daehwi’s face faded as soon as he heard what Jinyoung said. The smile he was showing off a few seconds ago was replaced by a frown. “What do you mean?”

Jinyoung hid his face with his hands. Then he started speaking therefore making his words muffled. However, even though Jinyoung’s word escaped like blurry yawns from his small yet pouty lips, the message is clear when it entered Daehwi’s ears. Daehwi let out a loud, hysterical laugh. He exhaled an unbelievable amount of air on the process and made his tummy ache real good. While holding his jaw which is tired from laughing, Daehwi answered Jinyoung’s question, “What’s your name? I still don’t know your name” with a....

“I’m David. My name is David.”

Though Daehwi is still smiling, he felt his lips tremble as he spat these words. Lying to Jinyoung feels like a thousand needles are stabbing his weak, limp heart. The truth is, he already planned it out before he close his eyes a night before that day. He expected Jinyoung to ask for his name and he decided not to tell him.

For him, telling Jinyoung his real name will be the beginning of the deterioration of their still growing friendship. That’s because all sorts of negative comments were attached to the name Daehwi: weird, can’t talk, gay and loser. Daehwi thought that Jinyoung will distance himself as soon as he finds out the truth because there’s a big possibility that Jinyoung, too, will be attacked by criticisms. For him, David is someone who can be with Jinyoung, Daehwi is not.

“David, do you want to hear a story?”

Daehwi just stared at Jinyoung through the darkness, his eyes just blinking. Jinyoung’s tone at that moment is different, the sweetness is nowhere to be found. These words made their entrance in Daehwi’s ears like coffee, like an americano, three shots, without sugar. His hands started to sweat, waterfalls making its way in each line in Daehwi’s palms. The sensation is ticklish but stingy that Daehwi had to shake his head to focus at Jinyoung.

“Will you tell me one, Jinyoung?” Daehwi said.

Jinyoung shifted in his sit and his arm brushed against Daehwi’s. There something cold in Daehwi’s spine and as soon as Jinyoung touched him, it slid down making Daehwi bite his lower lip. Jinyoung cleared his throat then brought his fingers back to the keys before playing a slow, melancholic song.

“There was this one boy who keeps on falling in love with the world every single day. He wakes up in the morning to see the world and sleep at night to dream of that world. He thinks that it’s wonderful, how the color complement each other to create an amazing picturesque view. It was lovely, more than lovely,” Jinyoung continued playing. “That boy always have a camera hanging in his neck, trying to capture great landscapes, people’s smiles and incomparable memories. Then there’s this one Valentines Day, that boy had a brilliant idea of going to the Han River to take photos of the fireworks display and of the couples who are having a great time together. So, he did. Right after that, he went home since it’s already late but he can’t stop himself from taking a quick look at his shots while on his way. Then, there’s this delivery truck. That boy didn’t know that the camera flash-like light from the truck is the last thing he’ll ever see. You know, this boy is very lucky because he damaged both the corneas of his eyes from the debris of the collision. He became a sculptor who curves lines in his own body, not until he found his new love,” Jinyoung stopped playing as soon as he finished talking.

“Music,” Daehwi whispered under his breath. He can see it, even though it’s dark, Daehwi can see the crystal-like beads of tears pooling Jinyoung eyes. He touched his chest for a brief moment, trying to ease the tearing pain inside but he can’t do anything to help himself, to help Jinyoung.

He touched Jinyoung’s hand and gently rub it to tell him that it’s okay and that someone got his back. “What is the name of that boy?” Daehwi knew the answer all along but the pain inside him is growing inevitably while seeing Jinyoung like that and without hearing anything from him. His breathing gets heavier as every minute pass by. The ventilation is good yet he felt like his being roasted in flames.

“Jinyoung,” Jinyoung replied. Daehwi never heard of a voice that soft. If they were in another place and another time in another scenario, butterflies would be flapping their wings inside his stomach. But that’s not it.

“I’ll remember that name,” Daehwi whispered in return. Then he placed his fingers on the black and white piano keys. The surface wasn’t cold anymore probably because it was heated up by Daehwi’s burning desire to make Jinyoung happy.

k _kumeul kkun geot gata_  
 _eodinga iksukan gose isseo nan_  
 _byeoldeureul barabomyeo_  
 _urin neul utgo isseoseo_

Daehwi stopped singing when he felt a weight in his shoulder. He stayed silent and unmoving for a while. He just listened, not to the music, not to the whistling breeze outside the window but to Jinyoung’s breathing. He absorbed the heat coming from Jinyoung and it felt that he warmed up every corner of Daehwi’s being.

He stared at Jinyoung’s innocent sleeping face with his lips slightly parted. Daehwi ruffled his hair then realized that he should check Jinyoung’s wrists. He held it both, careful not to wake Jinyoung. He studied it as if it was an old artifact inside a museum. He held his breath while doing it because he is scared of what he may discover, but upon seeing that the marks on his wrists are old and are fully healed already, he let out a sigh of relief.

“That’s good Jinyoung. The boy in your story grew strong.”

 

  
Daehwi was done dusting off the instruments when Jinyoung entered. He immediately escorted the other without forgetting to turn the lights off. That room is not just a plain music room to Daehwi, it is a new world that only he and Jinyoung can share.

He cleared his throat, “Today, you’re gonna hear my story.”

_Daehwi remembers how he and Jinyoung fell asleep together yesterday. Their breathing were in perfect synchronization. He also remember how Jinyoung turned to him before leaving the room. He left Daehwi words, words that kept him awake and unable to sleep all night._

_“David, tomorrow... tell me your story.”_

Daehwi doesn’t feel obliged to tell his story to Jinyoung just because Jinyoung told him his’, instead he wants to open himself to him and to finally move forward.

“There’s this one boy who fell in love with his best friend. He loves how other people doesn’t pay much attention to his best friend because it gives him the feeling that somehow, he owns him. However, that boy is a weak coward who lacks the gut to tell his best friend his real feelings. Like an avid fan, he just watched him from afar while seeing him fall in love for another guy. The thought of his best friend being with someone else kills him. So, on the day that his best friend was about to confess his love for another guy, the boy stopped him by claiming that he fell in love with that guy first,” Daehwi’s voice is oozing with pain as he recall all his stupidness. His insides boiled and he can taste something rancid on his mouth; the taste of self-hate. He clenched his fists and buried them in his pocket to stop himself from punching his own face.

Jinyoung shifted in his seat and moved closer to Daehwi. “Drop their names,” he said.

“I was deeply in love with this guy, Jihoon, that I pretended to fall for that guy, Guanlin, just to stop the two of them from being together.”

He expected Jinyoung to be disgusted at him. He stayed silent for a while, sensing his surrounding like a predator waiting for his prey. He waited for Jinyoung to stand up, gather his things and leave him alone in that room with no intentions of coming back.

However, instead of complying to Daehwi’s expectations, Jinyoung sat still. “So, how is that connected with you being here?”

Daehwi pursed his lips before taking a deep breath. “I took Jihoon on a camping. For him, it was just a plain night out but for me, it’s a matter of happiness and sadness. I planned it all out smoothly. I wrote him a confession song which I’ll sing to him while we’re both in front of the bonfire. The scene seems so perfect for me. Just me and him under the moonlight sky with only the small fire to keep us warm.”

Even though Daehwi is still talking, Jinyoung still managed to squeeze himself in. “How did it go?”

Daehwi smiled bitterly. He felt the cracks in his heart shake as he continued his story. “Well, that didn’t happen. You see, I’m the top student in my class and I’m not in good terms with my rival classmate. She likes to play dirty. On that day, she purposely called my phone to talk to Jihoon and tell him lies to slander me and taint my image in Jihoon’s eyes. Unfortunately, Jihoon believed her; that I only see him as a fame thirsty person, that I don’t value our friendship. I wanted to defend myself and to clear things out but seeing his eyes welled with tears made me weak. At that moment, all that I wanted was for him to cool down and listen to me, but he won’t. So when he asked me to stop the car and leave him alone, I did. Frankly, the next thing I know is that, he and Guanlin got together. And that everyone hates me for “intentionally leaving Jihoon to suffer in the wilderness.” But, I didn’t transfer out because that’s how other people see me, I just really can’t bear seeing the two of them happy. It shatters me.” Daehwi felt his tear fall onto his nose but he didn’t bother to wipe it. He felt so drained just by speaking. He held his chest and felt his heart knocking against his ribcage. He felt drain yet good. He felt good for speaking for himself, to finally voice out his side, to finally tell the truth beneath.

Jinyoung tapped his shoulder and it made Daehwi relaxed. He’s breathing got normal as if there’s magic in Jinyoung’s touch. As if his touch can heal Daehwi’s million broken pieces. “Well, I still have to thank them for bringing you to me.”

Daehwi’s ear twitched and his sight got blurry with what Jinyoung said. He felt his lips making their way to the corners to form a smile. He realized just now that Jinyoung is right; that afterall, all his pains are all worth it. He’s broken but already fixed.

“Now that you’re finished telling that story, I think it’s time to write a new one,” Jinyoung’s look serious as if his every word have its own weight that Daehwi should be cautious of.

“What story?” he asked curiously. The truth is, Daehwi don’t want to write a new one. If that story is like his old ones; dull and only full of pain, then Daehwi would say no.

“A new story with me,” Jinyoung replied. He looked away from Daehwi and Jinyoung did the same.

Daehwi’s hands automatically flew to his face. He fanned himself to reduce the burning sensation he is feeling on his cheeks. He closed his eyes while trying to hear his heart’s own beat but he got more startled to hear nothing. His heart must’ve shut down because of the sudden sugar attack and Daehwi can’t blame it for doing so because if he was the heart, he would’ve done the same thing.

In the midst of Daehwi’s thoughts, he felt a poke in his right torso. One poke then another then another. “What?” Daehwi asked, irritation can be heard from his tone.

“This is the moment you’ll sing, right? Now, sing,” Jinyoung demanded like a kid with his lips pouted and his hands cupped together as if it’s pleading. “Whenever you sing, I feel like I want to kiss you. I don’t care if you’re a boy, but your voice is my Kryptonite. I want to feel that feeling right now. I want to hear you sing.”

Daehwi stopped sensing how his body and emotions would react. Instead, he cupped Jinyoung’s cheeks and leaned closer before pinching his cheeks with all his might.

“Seriously Jinyoung, stop acting cute! I mean, stop saying weird things.”

 

 

Daehwi held the paper before him. He scanned every word in attempt to recall the meanings of each stroke. He is only a verse away from finishing the content, yet he can get himself to finish it. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples when he failed AGAIN. He moved his gaze to the window, to the bustling world behind it. Just like a normal morning, busy cars and buses rained the road blocking his view of the possibly beautiful sight ahead of him. His head pounds a little since the air is filled with the noise from the eardrum-wrecking horns. He sighed, getting rid of the toxic air in his lungs and letting go of his extra baggage.

Soon enough, the car halted and as if on reflex, Daehwi stood up and departed the speedy bus. Before him stands an ocean of boys and girls in their uniforms, all of them are rushing to the gate; scared of missing their first period classes. The crowd, with their speed like that seemed like a free-flowing river wherein Daehwi is the fish who is slowly swimming and seizing his every step.

Instead of going directly to his classroom, Daehwi took a seat on the gutter situated near the main door of the building. From that place, he became invisible again, no friend, no acquaintance, just a group of useless atoms joined together to consume space. He looked at his wristwatch. He still have 15 minutes left before his class starts, 15 minutes to wait for him.

Like how he usually does, he took out his notebook and the pen Jinyoung left behind in their music room. As soon as the tip of the pen kissed the paper, Daehwi’s mind got blank again. No matter how hard he tries to get the words out and to notate them, they kept on being stuck on the dungeon in the bottom of Daehwi’s mind.

Then, there’s a loud screaming and the next thing he knows is that, before him stands a big crowd who are getting frantic over someone. Daehwi stashed the notebook and pen inside his bag which he hung on his shoulder. Though he’s standing on tiptoes, he still failed to see what’s happening. But then, the hyped up crowd moved to the side, making way to that someone. Suddenly, Daehwi dropped his bag as the world beneath him starts to spin. His knees started to feel like jelly and his breathing got weaker as his heart palpitates abnormally.

In front of him stands Bae Jinyoung. His dark hair which is parted in the middle looks as soft as ever. His uniform is straightened to perfection and his bag hanging freely on his left shoulder. He looks icy cold with his serious eyes and his lips pursed into a thin line. He looks different... Daehwi thought to himself. In fact, he looks more handsome, fiercer and his aura screams that he’s now dangerous.

Daehwi’s chest feels like there’s a dent inside it from the wild beating of his heart. His mind flew to Jinyoung, he keeps on wondering if that boy still remembers him. He want to ask him if the innocent and sweet Jinyoung is still inside him. Daehwi was dying to know but he can’t. His ears are ringing and his hands are shaking with the happiness he’s feeling.

Finally, after two long months of being thirsty for his presence, Jinyoung is finally back. _Daehwi can still remember that day, how he entered the music room late only to find it empty, how the music room looks darker even with the lights on, how the music only sounds like disorganized screeches and how his world felt more silent than it can ever be._

He waited for the next day, to see Jinyoung again but he never came and so does the next day then the next until two months already passed. Daehwi demanded for answers, for explanation or even just a sign that Jinyoung is still somewhere, living a healthy life. Then, he remember going to school early and falling asleep in his table because of his mental exhaustion. It was then when his classmates arrived, their shoes making tapping sounds when it hits the floor. Their words are still clear to his mind, how they shared their stories of how Jinyoung bid them farewell through text messages. Turns out, Jinyoung will be gone for a while because he’ll finally have his cornea transplant. At that time, Daehwi felt like he was thrown to a pool with ice cold water.

He got up, when to the comfort room and locked himself up on the rightmost cubicle to cry his eyes out. He clutched his chest and hit it with his knuckles to stop it from aching. His mouth tastes like coffee, sweet and bitter. Sweet because he feels happy to hear that Jinyoung will finally have his sight back. He can finally fall in love with the world again and capture wonderful memories. But bitterness still fill him. Bitter with the fact that everyone in their school BUT him knows about the reason behind Jinyoung’s sudden disappearance. He felt betrayed by Jinyoung, by the only person who he trusts.

From that day on, he started writing their story through a short heartfelt song and going to school as early as he can to sit on the gutter just to wait for the melody, his melody, to come back to his life.

Daehwi stood up with his chin up while showing his sweetest smile. Jinyoung is closing the distance between them and Daehwi felt that every step closer gets more painful. Jinyoung’s gaze landed on him and Daehwi’s smile got wider.

Daehwi held his hand up high and started to wave to welcome Jinyoung. Jinyoung just eyed him for a few moments before looking the other way and continue walking. Daehwi’s heartbeat got louder as the smell of Jinyoung’s perfume finally reaches him. It’s the moment Daehwi was waiting for so long, to finally be reunited with Jinyoung, except that Jinyoung...

walked past him as if he doesn’t exist.

 

 

A week had passed since Jinyoung came back. It was true, Jinyoung got his sight back. He is bringing a camera on his neck again and everyone in the school wants to be friends with him; everyone kept on following him. On the other hand, Daehwi felt more miserable. Like his schoolmates, he’s making ways to make Jinyoung notice him without making it obvious.

Sometimes, Daehwi would sit across Jinyoung in the cafeteria and just stare at him. He would also stay in the gate where Jinyoung enters and exits; he would just stand there, back against the wall, hands in his pocket and wait for Jinyoung to throw a look at him. Then, he would manage to mumble a soft “hello.” Yet, Jinyoung never looked at him.

That made him feel like he lost everything that’s left of him. He lost his love, his hideout and himself. However, he found a missing puzzle piece.

Daehwi was right. The middle of the music room wasn’t supposed to be empty, it used to be the throne of a grand piano. Daehwi with his heart aching and body almost giving up found it two days after Jinyoung came back.

On the day Jinyoung came back, Daehwi waited in the music room to see if he’ll come, but there’s no sign of Jinyoung. Seeing and being in that room hurts Daehwi more because all the memories that they created inside it surges back at him like a gigantic tsunami wave and it’s not good for him. He needed a new hideaway, a new place where he can be safe and happy. A place where he can put his broken pieces back together.

He tried going to the library but the sight of the piled up books won’t let him breathe in peace. Although the room was silent, Daehwi’s mind is not and his fingers kept on tapping the table. It keeps on looking for the piano keys, to feel its solidness under his skin, to create harmonies that can calm the storm inside him. So, he went on an expedition and walked in the empty corridors only to discover an old, abandoned, dark room. Daehwi felt so happy and he felt as if he found a treasure upon seeing a grand piano standing in the middle of the room; it’s the grand piano that used to stand in the middle of the music room. It’s the missing puzzle piece. From then on, he stayed there; when his classes were done, he would go straight there, play the piano, write new verses of his song and sometimes, just think of nothing.

Though the room was darker than the music room, all the corners were enveloped by piles of dust and is poorly ventilated, Daehwi felt safe inside. Afterall, he only needs to stay there for a while until he finish his song then, he would finally move forward.

 

 

That morning, Daehwi went to school earlier than he needed to. He left his Physics homework that he needs to pass in his secret room and he’s still not done with it. He even managed to fall asleep on his way to school because the dribbles of the raindrops against the bus window sang him a lullaby. Also, he forgot to bring his umbrella so he was just planning to ran as fast as an ostrich to avoid being soaked.

However, when he was about to run after the bus stopped, Daehwi’s arm got grabbed. Bae Jinyoung is looking straight at Daehwi. His touch is so warm that it managed to seep through Daehwi’s sleeves and make him feel comfortable.

“You’ll get sick,” Jinyoung said.

Daehwi just stared at him. His hands are twitching and dying to touch Jinyoung’s face. It’s the same face that he used to fall in love with every single day and he wants to feel it with his own hands. It has been a long time since Daehwi looked at Jinyoung up close that it feels that it has been years already. Instead of doing it, Daehwi just looked at the sky. He focused on water falling from the dark gray clouds. That’s how dull his world is at the moment except the fact that the rain would stop and the sun would soon make it’s way up the sky to throw lively rays to brighten up someone’s day; Daehwi’s life is nothing like that.

“You’re Daehwi, right? So they’re telling the truth. You really don’t talk,” Jinyoung smiled bitterly with his eyes pinned on the road in front of them. “I’m not usually this early, I’m just trying to find something.”

Those words made Daehwi’s heart wretch. Jinyoung is one of them now, Daehwi thought. He suddenly realized that he is no longer the David who Jinyoung loves dearly, he’s just plain Daehwi, the weird soundless kid. He extended his hands and cupped the falling water in his palms to distract himself and forget the stinging pain in his chest.

When they reached their destination, Daehwi just bowed at Jinyoung before leaving without turning his head to see Jinyoung waving bye at him.

Everything has changed between the two of them and it hurts a lot to think that only Daehwi knows how things changed. Now that Jinyoung is finally living a normal life, Daehwi don’t want to intrude and get in Jinyoung’s way. Once he turned his back from Jinyoung and once the rain stops, Daehwi will also walk out of Jinyoung’s life.

However, sitting with the whole school in the auditorium changed Daehwi’s mind. Their whole school was gathered in the auditorium for the full length theater musical auditions and everyone is free to sign up.

Daehwi saw this as an opportunity to give Jinyoung a hint that he is the David whom he used to share his soul with. He wants to give it a shot, to sing and make it known to Jinyoung that he is the owner of that addictive voice.

Daehwi raised his hand and rose. The crowd buzzed like bees and he was attacked with dagger like questions asking him how he got the guts to stand up and audition when he can’t even speak. Despite the crowds roaring and the unstable waves inside Daehwi’s mind which made him stumble on his way, Daehwi held the mic before him with his hands still shaking. His ears kept on ringing and his stomach is churning. He felt numerous beads of sweat slide down his face. The view in front of him makes him weak so he closed his eyes.

The music began and Daehwi opened his mouth.

_kkumeul kkun geot gata_   
_eodinga iksukan gose isseo nan_   
_byeoldeureul barabomyeo_   
_urin neul utgo isseoseo_

In the midst of Daehwi’s singing, gasps and claps echoed. Everyone got shocked with the sound of his voice. They didn’t expect Daehwi’s voice to be that good and Daehwi, on the other hand, didn’t expect that kind of response from the people who pointed their fingers at him.

When he finally finished singing, he opened his eyes. The whole crowd were on their heels, clapping and screaming “You did well” and “Sorry.” However, his eyes immediately flew to the front seat where Jinyoung sat. He felt as if his heart was crumpled with what he saw. Jinyoung is sitting comfortably in his seat with his eyes closed. Jinyoung is sleeping.

Daehwi accidentally let go of the mic which made a painful noise when it hit the floor. That made the whole auditorium silent and the crowd dumbfounded. Daehwi’s feet felt tons heavier than before so he had to drag himself out of the stage, out of the auditorium and straight to his secret room.

He recklessly let his body crash on the wooden seat in front of the grand piano. He’s wet, very wet with the mix of sweat and a pool of tears. He cried a river and he ran out of breath. He didn’t even bother to wipe his sweat and he just hid his face behind his sticky hands. Daehwi felt so disgusting, so unwanted. He’s joints, his flesh, his whole being ached with the knowledge that Jinyoung didn’t even bother to listen to him, that Daehwi’s voice failed to wake something inside him. Jinyoung doesn’t hear the magic in his voice anymore. Jinyoung changed, for real.

He reached for his bag and took his paper out. Today, he’s gonna finish their story. And finally... finally... move on.

 

  
Daehwi crumpled the paper in his hands. He watched how each letters and notes got hidden by the folds, crunches and ridges the hands that created them, themselves, made. Daehwi thought that doing it would ease his grief and lighten the burden he is carrying but he felt more pain, more confusion and more weariness as he do it. The view before his eyes is starting to drill another hole on his already wounded heart and his eyes were now wet with tears.

He stared at the empty room where he finished the rest of their story. He smiled bitterly upon realizing that finishing it would mean that it would be the last time he would breathe in the scent of the old books stacked in its dusty shelves, the last time his forehead would bear crystal-like beads of sweat because of the poor ventilation and the last time he would mourn for the same person.

Once he leave the room, he would begin a new story. A new book untainted with tears in shades of blue.

He looked at the pen in his hand and reluctantly slid it into his backpack. He hung the backpack on his back and wiped the tears pooling his eyes.

Then, there was a loud bang. Bright lights seeped into the dark, gloomy room. As if on reflex, Daehwi looked at the door.

And there he stood.

Daehwi watched how Jinyoung’s shoulders wildly rose and fell. His breathing is labored and it is obvious with the traces of sweat streaming on his forehead. “It’s your voice. It’s you, Daehwi. You’re David,” he yelled.

Daehwi felt a gunshot in his heart, his pains are all getting drained right into the hole in Daehwi’s heart. He recklessly fell on his seat. He’s feeling weary, limp and defenseless. “What if I am?” he whispered.

Jinyoung walked towards him, each step carries weight making loud thuds in the floor. He stood in front of Daehwi. “I’ve been looking for you for so long. When I was gone, it was so sudden that I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye. And when I asked my friends to give you my message, no one can find you because David doesn’t exist in this school. I’ve been dying to contact you but I don’t know how. I only know your fake name.

Daehwi’s mind got blank with Jinyoung’s sudden confession. His body felt numb and his fingertips felt cold as if he touched an icy object for too long. “Jinyoung, what should I do for you to forgive me?”

Jinyoung grabbed a seat and sat across Daehwi. “When I closed my eyes in the auditorium today, I felt it.Remember what I told you? How I feel whenever you sing?” he asked.

Daehwi closed his eyes and clenched his fists: He’s trying to recall what it is. Then, Jinyoung’s voice from the past echoed inside his mind. “Whenever you sing like that, I feel like I want to kiss you.” His eyes flew open with what he reminisced. He was so flustered that his cheeks felt like they were incinerated in fire.

“So, what now?” Daehwi whispered while looking down. He is so weak and vulnerable that the thought of looking at Jinyoung straight in the eyes drains his energy already.

“Sing for me again. This time, I won’t feel like kissing you anymore, because this time, I’ll kiss you. For real.”

With that, Daehwi stood up. “I’ll do it” he said as he cupped Jinyoung’s face and let his lips crash onto the softness of his’.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna know what’s up with Jihoon, you can check “Hitchhike and Wild Hearts” *winks*
> 
> Btw, you can fite me on twt @jihoonandchill hehe! *runs away*


End file.
